let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
