I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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