I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
