I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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