Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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