He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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