I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
