If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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