he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize