those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
