I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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