i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
