honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
