Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
