it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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