We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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