things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
