If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize