Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
