I can't watch pbs sober anymore
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
