We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
