You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
