ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
