you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
