Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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