Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
