ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
