Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
