what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
