My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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