i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
