i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She needs sedatives and a leash
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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