I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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