??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
