How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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