No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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