I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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