it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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