I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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