i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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