this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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