i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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