dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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