I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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