This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize