Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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