fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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