shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there's paper in my vomit.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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