why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
