Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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