between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
