Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
