She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize