it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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