I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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