No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
