I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
