You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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