I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
