You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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