is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
