it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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