You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
