I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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