Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
someone get that fucking seahorse.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I stole a fireplace last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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