I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
