I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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