If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
