Pappa wants mamma naked
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
