You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
