im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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