Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
