i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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