Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
