How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
