time to smoke my breakfast
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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