please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
