worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Less talking, more tequila
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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