you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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