so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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