I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
